“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.”

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

Introduction

In the modern day and age. A lot of people are struggling to find the right partner, or to keep their current relationship good and strong. Various challenges have risen that were not there in our parents’ times, be it the fast paced modern life, online dating options,the new stressors on an existing relationship, past child life traumas or the greater availability of temptations. You find some people actively looking for love, and others who have decided to stay single and just “play the field” or even have what is called “casual”. It is well known that relationships are hard, they take a lot of bad dates, putting yourself out there and once found they take a lot of work to keep them good and real. So, what is it about this hard to find, harder to keep relationships that makes every human being seek them or secretly dream of them? Why do we need them?

There must be something good in them, there must be something about them that makes it all worth the trouble! Let’s find this out.

The benefits of a stable relationship

Studies have shown that having a fixed partner is better than staying single because it fills the basic need of (feeling connected, cared for, loved) .Having a good relationship is also an ongoing source of positive emotions, given the good experience and intimacy that only come with a committed relationship.

I should mention the other psychological fact which says that: being unhappy alone is better than being unhappy in a relationship, two unhappy people might feed each other’s misery, you will have better chances of happiness if you have reached your happiness on your own before getting into a relationship, rather than waiting for one to make you happy. Studies have shown that happy couples were two happy individuals before they formed a relationship.

Here are some of the rewarding sides of a love relationship.

• Provides a sense of belonging, (which is one of the basic needs for psychological health).
• Your partner gives you a sense of being loved, appreciated and boosts your self confidence.
• It is a continuous source of positive emotions, which increases creativity, immunity, and life span (more on that later)
• Increases your happiness, the fact is couples who are happily married are happier than happy single individuals.
• Having safe regular sex, one that with connection and intimacy only gets better (more on that later).
• Your partner encourages you to grow and be your best self. Your partner is a great reflector for your bad habits and issues that you have not resolved yet.
• Having someone to rely on when things go south. A partner should be your first line of support, when life gets tough.

This idea of investing in the well being of the other person for his or her own sake. Having a person who really gets you and they use that special knowledge of you for your benefit not against you. When this is mutual and you care about the other person the same, this is the core to a love relationship.

How does love lead to more happiness and mental wellbeing?

The answer is Positivity Resonance, which in simple terms means having one positive feeling that extends to build more positive emotions. It has three core features that kind of come together, shared positive emotions, mutual care and concern, and synchron both behavioral and biological, in people’s heart rate and blood pressure. Prof. Barbara Fredrickson says that positivity resonance is the most elemental building block of love experiences and love relationships.

A happy, stable relationship, whether with a spouse or partner, is connected to better mental health, lower levels of stress, and less depression. If one of you struggles with mental illness, know that your ongoing healthy relationship is helpful. It may not always seem that way, especially during a difficult episode, but maintaining a strong, loving relationship will aid and support healing and recovery from mental illness.

Everyone should be able to find their own worth outside of relationships and other people. However, being loved does add to a sense of self-worth. Knowing that someone loves you means that you matter,that you have value, and that someone would be devastated if you were gone.

If you are in a healthy and happy intimate relationship, you are more likely to adopt and stick with healthy lifestyle choices. These include eating well, exercising, and avoiding substance abuse. All of these physical health habits promote good mental health.

Couples often show the signs of surging dopamine: increased energy, less need for sleep or food, focused attention and exquisite delight in the smallest details of this novel relationship. 

– Dr. Helen Fisher

The healthiest relationships are between two people who rely on each other but are also independent. They love each other, but they also love and value themselves. As mentioned above in the benefits, your partner will push you to grow as a person, improve your lifestyle and habits, rather than change your character and beliefs.

Relationships and sex

One might wonder: does sex quality and frequency differ between casual sex and committed relationship sex? Does intimacy matter in the sexual drive, and performance of sex, if it does to whom and to what degree? Often we hear a lot about the animal’s wild casual sex, some with total strangers and others with arrangements. Aside from being physically safe in a love relationship sex (from STD and STI), and not worrying about other kinds of safety.

What else is there that makes others favor being with one partner that cares about them, even when in some cases sex initially is less wild that what would a  casual dangerous sex be like?

Let me start by saying, in most cases, the first time sex with a new partner is usually like exploring a new territory, both players don’t know anything about the other’s body, yes they know they’re attracted to one another, but that’s about it.

In that sense in an invested relationship the more familiar, the more sex they have, the more they observe and listen to each other’s bodies and reactions, the better sex gets. Casual and random sex doesn’t have that advantage, it’s either good from the get go and it’s a regret, a mission abort, or even an embarrassment! Yes to some people the danger or new factor adds a bit of a thrill,nonetheless it’s a risk they take every time, as there is no guarantee that it’s a worthy one..

I have covered how the quality of sex keeps improving between loving and investing partners, given that the intimacy is kept alive, and the couple invests in communication and creating positive emotions together. It’s therefore a psychological fact: that we are happier with only one sexual partner and are more likely to have more sex in a stable monogamous long-term relationship. So it’s not only that the quality of sex is better, it’s also more frequent.

Sex and health

It’s worth mentioning the positive effects of regular sex on your physical health.

•  Helps Keep Your Immune System Strong.
• Boosts Your Libido.
• Improves Women’s Bladder Control.
• Lowers your Blood Pressure.
• Counts as an exercise,It bumps up your heart rate and uses various muscles.
• Lowers Heart Attack Risk.
• Lessens Pain actually works like a pain killer.
• May Make Prostate Cancer Less Likely.
• Improves Sleep.
•  Eases Stress.

Intimacy and sex on the long run

The experience of emotional intimacy is assumed to play a particularly large role in maintaining sexual desire and partnered sexual activity in romantic relationships of longer duration. It is unclear whether the effect of intimacy on sexual contact between partners is direct or indirect, via its impact on sexual desire. The present findings suggest that in both male and female partners in romantic, long-term relationships, higher levels of intimacy are associated with higher sexual desire, which is, in turn, associated with higher odds for partnered sexual activity to occur. The temporal association of increasing intimacy and subsequent sexual desire appears not to be different in women and men.

In summary, we can see some of the many rewards that only having a fixed committed relation can bring to us. If we are willing to invest our time, effort and emotions into another person. It will take patience, an open mind and humility to accept that we are not perfect. We as individuals need work, the relationship needs work, last and not least we also need honesty with ourselves to admit that we do need a relationship, to grow, to love, to be fully happy.

I would love to know what you think in the comment section, is the work required to find and keep love worth it ?

References and resources:

Love 2.0: Finding Happiness and Health in Moments of Connection, Barbara Fredrickson

The Positive Effects of Love on Mental Health: 5 Ways Your Relationship Can Aid in the Treatment Process

The associations of intimacy and sexuality in daily life

https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health

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